It was the briefest of moments, when I could just say whatever I liked and never be awkward with the people around me. Now I feel like I'm awkward with everybody all the freaking time.
I mean I even have to prepare topics to talk about. And desperately try to inject that topic into the conversation so that I can have something to talk about. And sometimes when someone brings up something I know, I actually breathe a sigh of relief because then I have something to actually talk about.
And I think that doesn't get across because I seem so nonchalant all the time, but I'm constantly panicking inside.
I think I put it best when I replied to the comment in my last post. That my mind screams at me to just 'say something, anything' and my mouth just refuses to do it. It's just frustrating. ~.~
I dunno why I can't just say something, it just seems so god damn stupid of me. And everytime I do that, I just go home and beat myself up for it. It's just damn stupid. ~.~
2 comments:
Owhhh at least you said hi to me the first time when I didn't recognize you in person! :D
Sorry, been meaning to reply... not to say that you were waiting... that is... =)
But anyway, yea, I'm not sure what came over me that time I saw you, must've gone mad. =P
It's something I do randomly lar... sometimes my body decides it wants to talk, then it'll talk, if it doesn't want to talk, it'll just clamp up and refuse to say anything. ><
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