~ Move ~

Looks so weird doesn't it?

Not really what I want to talk about actually, just the title I put reminded me of that.

Just wanted to say that I'm starting to see people getting into that stage of life where they find they're special one and moving in together and that sort of thing, and it's kinda annoying me.

In that sense, I think I'm a bit like Ted in that I want to be in that committed relationship stage and have all that stuff. I actually find Ted to be the most annoying character in that show though. So maybe I'm actually being annoying about this issue as well.

Still, it'll be nice to have someone clinging on to your arm and dragging you along everywhere. Sometimes... anyway. =)

~ I wish I had more of a life ~

Not to say my life now sucks technically. It's quite good actually, I can buy (almost) what I want, I can do what I want, I have a reasonable job (which I may not have in about two weeks time) and life is in general, good.

But I dunno what is missing. Actually, I think I know what is missing, but I apparently don't have the makings of a man to get that few things that are missing.

What is it about me that can make a talkative person not want to talk? Do I just have that effect on people? This is one reason why I keep pulling away from people I think. I don't want to bring down the high spirits of an occasion or what not. But I just dunno how I'm supposed to live life avoiding people.

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to face people anymore. Life was simpler when I was young-er and had no semblance of thought. Which is in fact not true because I've always thought a lot. So apparently I've always been like this and just never really noticed till now.

Gawd I need help.

I most probably have typed this somewhere here before, but I do always wonder this on and off. What if I had managed to make myself believe in that group of people who believed in the entity known as God? Would I have managed to stay in touch with more people? Would that have saved/helped my problems with talking to people? Would I have found a soul-mate somewhere there? (I'm not referring to a soulmate, more like soul-mate... there's a difference there that I cannot/just-to-lazy to explain).

Could this Saviour, have actually been my saviour? Was that the point at which people say "God wants to help you, but first you have to help yourself"? Was that my one shot at getting God's help and I just spat at it and turned away?

It's times like this where I sometimes doubt my path of non-religious-ness. It's actually a religion in itself if you think about it. I zealously avoid all talk of religion and scoff when people praise the sky.

I hate feeling like this. And I've felt like this for like 5-6 years already. It's annoying, no doubt, but more than that, it's starting to hamper me. I hate it and I don't know if I will ever get out of it.

I complain a lot about it and never do anything I know. But I either dunno where to start or I just like feeling miserable. You decide.

Cause I clearly cannot.

~ Socially awkward since... ~

I've been putting a lot of thought into a particular Facebook message I wanted to put up since like 2 weeks ago. But I just can't seem to get the wording right.

My original was:
Socially awkward around girls since 1986!

But that wasn't correct cause I have been able to talk to some girls reasonably well.

Addendum 1:
Socially awkward around pretty girls since 1986!

But then that wasn't right cause then girls I could get along with would accuse me of calling them not pretty (And some of them are pretty... god why am I using the word pretty?)

Addendum 2:
Socially awkward around ALL girls since 1986!

Should be fine, but then I realized that I'm awkward around guys as well.

Addendum 3:
Socially awkward since 1986!

But then that just isn't that funny.

... and then I lost my mind and just figured I'll stop thinking about it. =)

Cheers!

I've really gotta get around this issue man. I'll get nowhere with this. Zzz...

~ Stargate: Dream ~

... bleh... stupid title.

Still, I would love it if it meant there would still be a Stargate show on TV next year.

This is probably a bit of old news, but if you didn't know, the multi award winning show Stargate Universe has been cancelled.



So okay, it didn't win any awards. I don't think it was even that popular to begin with, but heck, I do think it's a waste. Mostly because I liked it, it wasn't the same as SG-1 or Atlantis, but it had its own appeal. Mainly for the damn beautiful ship they were on. Additionally I do like how they tied in the references to its previous two shows. It wasn't a retcon most of the time and if you looked at it logically, it connected somehow, so that was cool.

I just don't get why everyone wanted the same thing as SG-1 and Atlantis. They were great shows no doubt, but if you wanted the same thing, just go and rewatch the SG-1 and Atlantis shows again why don't you?

And while I do get the comparisons to BSG, it still feels like a show on its own. Especially when it seemed to be branching out of the day-to-day survival style and moving more towards a purpose.

In any case, I'm actually not here to lament on the short life of SGU. I started off talking about Stargate because I wanted to say that I had this eerie Stargate-esq dream a few days ago. =)

It involved me being on a spaceship and having to hurtle myself through space towards a star going nova.

Yes, my dreams are that vivid and martyr-like.

I'm not sure why I was in the spaceship, considering that I don't like roller coasters. I'm not sure why I was the ONLY one left in that spaceship. And I have no idea why I had to pilot that ship towards that star.

And the Stargate references, for one, I did not actually see a Stargate in my dream. I only remember like the SG-1 characters for some reason talking to me through the communicator or something and telling me what to do. *Camera pans towards the other spaceship that is safely out of the way*

And then them telling me if I had anything to say to my friends and family back home etc. etc..

...

YEAH, MY MIND IS MESSED UP!!!

I mean seriously man. My dreams are SUPER WEIRD! And I wasn't even reading about Stargate the past few days. I was actually looking at the history of DC comics superheroes on account of them releasing DC Universe Online.

I still remember a previous dream I had, I think I probably blogged about it also, see this link: here and here.

Damn weird sia my dreams. Zzzz... hahaha...

Work is... okay actually. I kinda like it. Just that I feel like I just can't get along with the people. This is where my social awkwardness comes in. I just feel like an idiot sometimes. How hard issit to say "hello" or "good bye"?

Zzzz...

Haihz...

It's not all bad though, I'm getting along fine with my direct colleague... so that's good. Haha. I just wish I got along as well with everyone else. ~.~

~ Interaction ~

It was the briefest of moments, when I could just say whatever I liked and never be awkward with the people around me. Now I feel like I'm awkward with everybody all the freaking time.

I mean I even have to prepare topics to talk about. And desperately try to inject that topic into the conversation so that I can have something to talk about. And sometimes when someone brings up something I know, I actually breathe a sigh of relief because then I have something to actually talk about.

And I think that doesn't get across because I seem so nonchalant all the time, but I'm constantly panicking inside.

I think I put it best when I replied to the comment in my last post. That my mind screams at me to just 'say something, anything' and my mouth just refuses to do it. It's just frustrating. ~.~

I dunno why I can't just say something, it just seems so god damn stupid of me. And everytime I do that, I just go home and beat myself up for it. It's just damn stupid. ~.~