~ I want ~

I really want. I don't remember when I saw something and I wanted it so much. It's something I never had, but I want it sooooo bad and I dunno how to get it. ~.~

~ Alone ~

There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and then you don't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then, it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever.

-Meredith Grey
-Grey's Anatomy
-Season 7 Episode 22: Unaccompanied Minor

This speaks to me on a few levels. Not that I truly believe it, but the fact that the theme of this is being alone. And being okay with it.

I have gone through life hating to be alone. Being alone is a sign that you are not a friendly person. That you are not a socializer. That you are abandoned, single and solo.

Society teaches us that we need friends, we need people. That we cannot survive without others. So much so that when we are left alone that we sometimes don't know how to survive. That we think there's something wrong with us.

This quote points out that it's okay to be alone. Because it's simpler, less messy and you won't get hurt. And I kinda believe that sometimes. But the other hand is also true, that by being alone that you will never really love. Never find something that means so much to you.

It's like wanting both sides of a coin, wanting to have your cake and eat it too. It's impossible to want to be alone and want to be with someone.

And that's how I feel every single day.

Less so these days, but still, it comes up every now and then.

And I do really miss Grey's Anatomy's ending quotes. =)