~ Annoyed ~

Really, I'm in a constant state of confusion. I dunno if I am depressed or mad; angry or crazy; desolate or depressed. (Yes, I said depressed twice)

I know I've been trying to move on, but I never know if that is the correct choice. I keep moving on, saying this will make me feel better, this will make me forget em, but in the back of my mind, I know that I will forever be missing them, and it annoys me to no end that that is the case.

My mom has been saying that that's always the case. You move on. Out of sight, out of mind. So does that mean all the good times we had last time were a lie? Or were they just awkward times that I didn't realize were awkward? Were I always this way and I just didn't know it?

I keep flashing back to my primary school teacher's worry about me. She always did worry that I would not get along with other people. That I would be outcast and alone. I think she was right to worry. Hell, it's the one thing that worries me everyday.

Just look at the facts. I'm 24. I don't have a close friend, let alone a BEST friend. I never had a girlfriend, and the one time I actually tried to tell someone I liked her, it was so pathetic, it was just plain... sad. I don't have a person that has stuck by me thick and thin, it's always once we're done, we're done. It'll be years before we make contact again, and even then, they'll say: "Oh, you... er... what's your name ar?" I lost (At least it feels like I've lost) the few people that I thought would stick with me, even though I tried to stay in touch, it never worked, and I wonder now if we were ever that close to begin with.

And it doesn't feel like I'm doing any better at the moment. I'm trying, but you won't believe how many times I want to speak up, but I don't because... I don't know why. -.-

It doesn't feel like I have anything worth while anymore.

My mom was mad at me recently for buying loads of SNSD and Kpop stuff. But I think that's one of the things that sustained me through the past few years/months, it isn't really much, heck, I'll even admit some of it seems worthless, but it was something to look forward to and it gave me a target, a goal to aim for.

Extend that to those few events that I went to. It's the same logic.

I get why sometimes people try to commit suicide. I think I've gone past that point a few points in my own life. I think I get the point of view, but maybe I've never really hit that point where it's all too much and you just have to do it. Will I ever hit that point? It all seems almost unbearable now, and yet here I am, worthlessly typing this out and not even contemplating that for a second.

Which isn't true actually, since I'm talking about it and all, means I've considered it obviously, but it's just never really an option to me. Throughout my life, I've never really ever considered that as an option. But maybe I've just never really hit rock bottom? Who knows. I do seriously think there's more to life that that though. At the very least, I cannot do that to my family.

My family, and all its extensions, are just the most awesome family there has ever been. I realize this now and I can tell you that your friends, your girlfriend, your boyfriend are nothing compared to your family. (There are caveats of course)

I think I may need help, I've been saying this for a while, but I've had people who just said I should get out more, speak up more and (Overwhelmingly) be more confident. I've had people who just look at me and say: "You? Need help for what?" I've had people who pooh pooh'ed my worries like they were nothing.

And just saying "be more confident" is not advice. I OBVIOUSLY have a problem showing confidence. You need to tell me how. Or even better, show me how.

Just for an example, I saw this girl in the MRT today. I'm almost 100% I know her. She walked right up to me. I wanted to wave and say hi.

Guess what?

I didn't.

I just stared glumly at her while she was busily perusing her iPhone 4 (Assuming it's an iPhone 4, I mean who has an iPod Touch these days? Except me... of course). I think she saw me and I dunno if she recognized me or not, but logic or even simple manners dictate that I should've acknowledged something right? But noooo... manners are not good enough for me.

Just study that situation logically. IF I did know her, I would've met someone and my day would've turned so much brighter (Assuming everything goes well). IF I didn't know her, it was the perfect conversation starter as well, and I could've known someone new (Assuming also that everything goes well).

I mean, there's no good reason why I shouldn't have just said "HI"! I mean it's just "HI!" HI HI HI! HOW BLOODY HARD IS THAT TO SAY!?

It's just stupid. I mean I'm just stupid.

I probably shouldn't have ranted on and on for so long, but it's been a while, and I've been worrying about this for days, weeks, months, even years.

I've been told that I'm impossibly noisy when annoying when I warm up to you.

So let's hope I get to annoy more people.

~ Alone ~

This may be a bit on the dramatic side, but I feel on edge. Like something slight or small could just push me over. And that when I fall, no one would probably be there to pick me up.

I have only one redeeming thing in my life right now. Without that, life would actually be quite meaningless.

And it hella irritating btw. I get that there's a lot more to life and I wanna experience it, but I just can never get there. It's irritating. I want to be there, to have someone, to do something, to be someone. I want it all, but I have none whatsoever.

~ Still Alive ~

... is a game I actually do wanna play. (I think it's called Still Alive right?)

Besides also wanting to play NFS: Hot Pursuit, which is damn fun btw! I played a bit of it the other day and it was just brilliant fun! I was calling for road blocks, calling the choppers, shooting EMPs, dropping spike traps, just hella fun!

I know I haven't been blogging, but it's just been real busy for me and I just didn't really have that much to blog about... except that I have a job now... that is... but if I blogged about that I would just be complaining, so why do that? =)

Not that working is no fun, just that I do have some minor gripes with the thing. =)

But anyway, just to say I will still blog, just dunno how often and how interesting.

Last thing for this post:

Rainbow's Mach!!!


Brilliant brilliant song! I mean seriously! I love it! Initially I actually thought A was better, but after a while, Mach just caught on. I love the choreography! Everything about it is just beautiful. Every movement of these seven girls just seemed perfect to me. Additionally, I think that this song and performance is much much more entertaining than another song I've been listening to recently. =)

~ Direction ~

It's been a constant problem. If you don't believe me, try checking out my blog. This one and my previous one (If you have access... lolz)

And I think this is the umpteen time someone has told me to be confident.

I'm gonna be trying to down a vat of coffee tomorrow to see if that can help me stay awake.

Haihz. I wanna type but I can't seem to type out what I'm feeling. And screw you all who think that I'm just emo-ing. It's a problem, and it's a big problem and I need some help, not you there standing there and just passing it off as a fad.

Sorry, just had to lash out at someone/something. Feeling kinda crappy now.

Tomorrow is a brighter day right? Right?

~ Anime Festival Asia X (Day 2) ~

More pictures on my Facebook page here: AFA X Day 2!!!

Day 2!!! XDXDXD

Looking forward to this day a whole lot more than day 1. Andrew came down especially for it, although he came and left so fast, it kinda missed the point. And idiot didn't wanna go concert with me, which is FINE by me. I'll just go alone, like everything else I go to. =)

And additionally, if you reached here at 10am and want to go back at 5pm, why would you come out all the way to my room when the convention is just next to you? I mean, seriously, that was a good 2 hours wasted doing nothing.

Anyway, nice thing about that day when I got there was that I saw SCANDAL!!!



They're the four girls on the seats watching the girl singing. =)


MY TOMOMIIIIII!!!! XDXDXD


Rina!!! Damn pretty girl!!! XDXDXD

That's about it for SCANDAL. I was thinking I could get more pictures of them later during the special appearance before the concert itself, but the rules were so strict!!! I mean seriously, guys were there yelling at people to keep their cameras and stuff. I don't really get why no photos, but I suspect it's money related. If it's during the concert, sure, I get it, but during the appearance also so strict? I mean what the hell.

So no more SCANDAL photos. =(

But I got loads of cosplay pictures and most importantly, of AIRA!!! And Alodia, but I didn't really like her costume much this time around. =)

Some quick pictures of the regional cosplay competition.



Kaname


Aira and Alodia


The Malaysian Team




Thailand Team


Phillipines Team


Singapore Team


Indonesian Team




Singapore won third place.


Indonesia won second place (I liked them to win first, but then they never talked. Lolz)


Thailand won first! Haha.


Picture with the judges and stuff...


The hostess of the entire thing at the moment. Haha.


Whee... the fun part of this event... or at least the part I paid millions to see. =)

Kaname and Aira


AIRA!!! I love this cosplay. =)


Kaname's cool pose. Lol.


I got quite a few more Aira pictures. I was just browsing through my folder and I just smiled seeing all my (Authentically blurry) pictures. =)


Group pose. =)


Group pose with some contest winners. The guy looks so... ^^;;
Although I'll probably make that face also. I am unable to take any good pictures. =.=


Group pic with the hosts!!! This was funny! XD


Black Rock Shooter or... something. This was the character Aira was cosplaying. XD


K-ON!! Nendodroids! XD


Finally, the last thing that I came here to do, watch I LOVE ANISONG!!! XDXDXD

No pictures allowed, so... nothing much to say. My opinion of the concert was that it was fantastic!!! angela was a very energetic opener, and I love Shang-ri La now. May'N was so damn cute I may have gotten diabetes.

BUT SCANDAL WAS FREAKING AWESOME!!! XDXDXD
I MEAN SERIOUSLY!!! XDXDXD

SCANDAL WAS JUST SO DAMN COOL!!! I love the fact that they started off with Everybody Say Yeah! That part is just ingrained in my mind. Now everytime I hear Everybody Say Yeah!, it automatically brings me back to that time. It was just damn beautiful.

Interestingly, I actually knew most of their songs, so I was bouncing on my feet singing along and waving my arms around. It was fun!!! Even though I went solo and had a damn serious dude sitting on my right and a cautious dude sitting on my left (Three single men walk into a concert... ~.~), I was just so pumped when SCANDAL came on!

When Shunkan Sentimental came on btw, I just went mad!!! XDXDXD

Oh, just a fyi, I was okay okay during angela's performances till they did a encore of Shang-ri La, then I started being more aggressive. Then SCANDAL came and I just kinda lost it. =)

And I like the arrangement. angela, SCANDAL, May'N. Some people say waste a lot of time setting up SCANDAL's equipment, but I liked. SCANDAL's part was going to be the most high energetically, it made sense to put it in the middle and to let us tone down with the cute as a pie May'N. =)

SCANDAL had the longest set also I think. angela may have had an equally long set, but I was surprised May'N's was so short. It was too bad SCANDAL didn't get to come back to do an encore. I can still remember them waving when they walked off.

What can I say? I'm just hooked on SCANDAL now. Don't tell anyone, but I just ordered their Live DVD tour. XD

I just have to see it kay? =)



Bring them back for AFA XI!!! Or better yet, their own show! I'll surely be going! XDXDXD

More pictures on my Facebook page here: AFA X Day 2!!!

~ G.NA for Singtel Galaxy Tab Launch Event ~

This will be short. Cause I got a totally different event to type out about.
And frankly, I didn't see much. =)



G.NA came again to Singapore~
Feels like it was just yesterday where she came to Singapore to do an autograph session.



And that's all. =)

I mean really, unless I bought a Samsung Galaxy Tab, that's all you were going to see. The nice thing was that she did come out of the enclosed special area to come and wave and say hi to the fans standing outside in the rain. But yeah, that was mostly it.

Her live singing was amazing though. Performed four songs: Supa Solo, Leave, Rumors (I think) and her smash hit I'll Back Off So You Can Live Better.

And that's that. Some more pictures at my FB: here. Not much really, just in case you're interested.

Oh, and she went to perform the next day at the... thingy. I forgot what it was. Haha. But you can go to YT and google: G.NA, Singapore, Thingy. I think that'll work. =P

Alternatively, browse this user's channel: saumun
All credit goes to him and whoever took those fancams or captures or whatever. (I didn't see the videos yet, I just know they're there. =))

She might be going to Malaysia soon though, so Malaysians out there, take note... if interested... that is... =P

~ Anime Festival Asia X (Day 1) ~

I technically didn't enter the stages today. Wasn't really interested in the performances today and I had already seen the Gundam 00 movie. I would maybe have been interested in the Kana Hanazawa and Milky Holmes session, but it's too late to change my mind now. =)

I did, collect all my stuff though. I love the Anisong card. Looks damn nice.



The photobook a bit low quality in my opinion. It's either that or I've been seeing too many high quality photobooks that this photobook just seems low quality.



My tickets. =)



I saw a lot of people buying stuff and bringing it home. Quite a lot of stuff. Gundams, figurines and posters I think. Lots of things to look forward to tomorrow. =)

For today though, I hung out outside the stages and got to see a lot of cosplay. And I'm not going to call my pictures lousy anymore (Although they kinda are), but I'm going to go with 'authentically genuine'. HAHAHA.

So if you want genuine photos with grainy effect, do come find me. =P

Some of the better cosplays I saw today...


Shitload of guns. No idea which anime though.


Looks sleepy. Or her eyes just damn small. =)


K-ON!! Festival version I would say. Lol.


Damn cute. =)


Quite cute... but then she was kinda sien ady at the time I took this. Lolz.

For other photos, go my Facebook album here lar: Anime Festival Asia X (Day 1).

Tomorrow's going to be a looong day. But hey, I get to see Tomomi!!!! And Ono, Mami, Rina, Alodia, Aira, Kaname and... others. =)2

~ Working Working ~

Second day of work. I feel a bit the stressed. Interesting thing though, is that I actually am managing to spread out my time quite okay.

So far anyway, I mean come on, it's just my second day. ^^;

The work has been okay so far. I do feel like I still dunno what I'm supposed to know. But when I was looking at the code today, I felt that inkling of the code just coming back to me. I hope.

A lot of other stuff though that I still don't know. I hope I learn quick. Really quick.

More later. I just can't make myself post these days. ><

Oh, interesting thing happened yesterday. I got home, took something and then ran out of the room at full speed to meet a girl. When I got there, I yelled out her name, passed her the gift and waved her off. =)

I'm not kidding. Although I am embellishing a bit. And I only wished it was as romantic as I made myself think it is. Truth be told, it was just a simple pass off of a thing. Haha.

Although she is really a really really really really really damn nice girl. I mean really really really really really. =)

~ Work work ~

Well, I've finally found a job. ^^;

Fancy sounding title as well. My brother was complaining that he's basically an engineer, while I'm a "SYSTEM ANALYST"! BWAHAHAHAHA!

Although one thing I have to say, I was so focused on finding a job that I forgot that I had to work after I found the job. ^^;;

Still, I'm ready though. I've been hanging around doing nothing for months. It's about time I got down and dirty and actually did something useful.

Before that though, I've got like 5-6 days more to slack around. I'm planning on finishing Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood by then. It'll be my last spammed series before I actually get into the life of a working maniac. ^^;;

Not really sure how maniac-ky I'll be about work though. Haihz.

One side effect of actually finding a job though, I have to keep myself from clicking the "Buy Now" button on so many different websites. It's a bit of a pain. Haha.

On that note, I've been listening to a lot of Jpop recently to pump myself up for the I love Anisong concert. XDXDXD

More about that on another post. I wanna start trying to post on a regular basis. It's been a while since I posted. ^^;

~ Hoot ~

I love ittttt!!! =)

Seriously, I love it... I mean it. Haha.

I just think they all look damn good in the MV, and the bow and arrow dance (Or whatever people are gonna start calling it) actually looks very interesting.

Been spamming it whole day... and night... and the next day. =)

Gonna spam it some more tomorrow. Now I gotta go sleeep... haha...

~ Kpop Night Concert 2010 ~

Wheee...

Well, at least, that would be my response if the thing went well and all that. As such, I do have a lot of complaints about it.

Main thing being that if you sat near the back, you wouldn't even see anything. I dunno about the elevated seats, but I would bet they had a slightly better view, even if they were 20 meters behind us.

Additionally, screens were lousy, far away, and were kinda useless when everyone in front, to the side, behind (Not that that matters) of you are standing on their seats. I tried to be a nice guy and not stand on the seat so that I wouldn't block the view of those behind me, but when everyone is doing it, you don't really have a choice.

Not sure about sound quality because of all the screaming around me. I was wondering, will those girls make themselves deaf by screaming all this much?

Anyway, some pics, I don't really see the point of most of them because they are damn blur, but hey, that's what I've got. =)

Stage


MCs


FT Island


FT Island didn't do badly. They had that "Sarang Sarang" song that I knew, so I was cool with them. Haha.

The Boss




I don't really know any of their songs, so I can't really say anything about them. Did okay as well I guess. Only group at the time that everyone actually sat down. ^^;

ZE:A




I actually felt that I would be indifferent to ZE:A (Like I was with FT Island, The Boss and Infinite), but then I realized that they were singing Mazeltov, which I do actually quite like, despite the weird lyrics in my opinion. They were counting the days from Monday to Sunday for god's sake. =)

Infinite


I enjoyed their performance. I can't tell you what song they sang, I can't tell you how many songs they sang, but I just remember thinking to myself that "hey, infinite doesn't sound bad at all..." =)

Now on to what you can consider are the main acts of this show...

SHINee


The atmosphere literally changed when SHINee came up on stage. And the atmosphere stayed that way for the rest of the night (I would even say it got higher and higher actually).

They were good, they were one of the groups I was waiting for when I paid to go to this concert. They sang Replay, which was good, but I was just hoping they would sing it to SNSD. (Although that may incite some crying or cursing... from... people... =))

Followed which, they sang their other hits like Ring Ding Dong, Lucifer and Hello. Kinda wished they sang Juliette also, but hey, it is what it is.

Oh, and also one of their singers didn't make it due to some ankle injury or something. Now, since I'm not really that big of a SHINee fan, I'm okay with that, but I imagine some people was crying at that point. =)

The 2nd most popular group during the night (Or most... depending on who you ask... =))

SNSD!!!!


XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

=)

=D

Well, it would've been much better had I been nearer. But for now, I'm relatively content.

I GOT TO SEE SNSD!!!! =D=D=D

Huh, can't believe I'm actually smiling when I'm typing that. HAHAHA.

I won't say much lar, because it may not be obvious to you, but I actually only bought this tix just for that moment. It could've been a better moment, no doubt, but hey, I'll take it for what it's worth.

And finally, the stars of the show (Also, dependent on who you ask)

Big Bang


I couldn't actually get a picture of all five of them... so... yeah...

Regardless of who the actual stars of the show actually was, Big Bang's performance really was the BOMB that night. In the sense that they were given more songs to work with and they had some semblance of a show that night. I mean this is the sense that singing a string of hit songs, no matter how popular, does not a concert make. Big Bang's songs were arranged very nicely. Pumping up the night with Gara Gara Go! and Number 1 before toning things down with a perfect rendition of Haru Haru followed by Lies (Which is how Haru Haru and Lies should always be performed btw). Then ending things off which Last Farewell (Apt don't you think?), How Gee (Which I've never heard of) and Hands Up!.

Big Bang were really the stars of the night. Even though I love SNSD more, I just have to say that. Their performance was well arranged, well sung, fully energized and had a whole lot of showmanship.

The next part kinda... irks me a bit...

I mean how do you end a concert? With a big group song? OKAY, sure... but choosing WE ARE THE WORLD!? Come on... that's so cliched. And at least choose the MJ version.



No way I could get a pic of them all together. =)

See the red box, that's where the artists are... haha...


I would've much preferred an uptempo song. With everyone jumping and what not. I think that would've been a cooler way to end the concert.

But hey, you get what you get.

So that's that. Overall, it was a fun night. I got to meet a few of the sones I have been talking to online for quite a long time ady, so that was cool as well. I do have to complain about the fact that I couldn't really see the artists all that well, which IS a big problem when all I wanted to do was to SEE the artists. But I'll give them points for atmosphere, which they don't really deserve because atmosphere is basically done by the audience after all. Haha.

Some people can say I can die happy now after seeing their idols in person. Well, I wish I could say that. I can probably say I can die 20% happy now, but that would be pushing it. I think the percentage of happiness is about 5~10%.

This is a teaser, a taste of what I would expect, and I hope when I do get there one day, it will be better than I ever imagined. =)

Oh, more lousy pictures on my Facebook page: here.

If you don't like my lousy pictures, go to XINMSN, allkpop, some other Kpop site or whatever to find better quality pictures or fancams. Or just find someone who went there who had a good view with a DSLR or something.

Or you could've just went there. Duh. =)