~ Drive ~

The drive to do something, that is what I'm severely lacking right now. Right now when I oughta be driven to find a good job that can kick start my career, I have no urge or want to start looking. >.<

I have actually started a bit, but it's not what I would call extensive job hunting yet. I know I should, but I just can't make myself do it.

Additionally, everytime someone asks me how I feel about it, I always answer that I am both excited and terrified. ^^;

It's just something I know I have to do, but I'm just so bloody afraid to do.

That's not just it though. I do realize I have a severe lack of drive in anything I do. I will do stuff, but I won't be like totally super intense about it or want to finish it. I will just do it and get it done with no passion whatsoever. Ultimately, the question would be what am I passionate about? I have rotated the things I have been passionate about from music, to art, to writing, to computing, to programming, back to writing and vice versa. I have never really found something that I am really damn good at and I can't find something that I want to be damn good at.

Everytime I think I have found something I like or think I am reasonably good at, I find out that someone is better than me and I lose focus and give up then. It's just frustrating. I really wish I had something that I was best at and can then focus on that and take that as a starting point.

Life's just hard that way.

Haihz...

Dun think I'm going to put this on innit. One thing I have learnt is that no one want to read when you rant. People want to read the funny stuff or the stuff that you do when you go somewhere or do something. I do actually like to read rants though, even when I do not know who that person is. I'm not sure why, but it could be because I'm happy someone out there is having problem (Sadistic no?) or maybe it's because I'm relieved that I'm not the only one out there being all confused and shit.

Life's like a box of chocolate, you never know what you're gonna get. ^^

Done? Kay.

Now, let me talk about that quote. I have never understood that quote! I mean really... how do you not know what you're gonna get!? You're gonna get chocolate! It's chocolate goddammit! I mean what's the "never knowing" part? What size of chocolate? What shape of chocolate? It just baffles me and I have never really understood it. I also don't get why people think it's a nice quote. I personally don't think it's a nice quote, but that's maybe because I just don't understand it. Hehe.